Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
