He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
