I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
