Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
