I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
