Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
