I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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