they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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