I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
