Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
