Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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