he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
