i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
