She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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