College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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