I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
