I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
