i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
