i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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