walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
