I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
