i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
