Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
