umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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