He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
