Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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