I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
