I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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