i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
