we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
