How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
