You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
