Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
