Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
