my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
