Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
