So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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