I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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