my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
