i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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