I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
