My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
