i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
