just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Four minutes until I can fart!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
