I wish my penis had an off switch
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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