you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
