omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
