ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
