bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
