if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
