remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
