i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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