Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
