Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
two words...techno handjob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
