After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
