We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
